It occurred to me today that the thing I wanted to know most in life, was really just how to live it. – How am I really supposed to live life?
I mean, without getting drawn into the traps and shortfalls of day-to-day life whilst chasing this gain or that win. Whenever I’ve tried to do that in the past, no matter how sweet the initial victory, I’ve always had to pay heavily for the price of the win somewhere along the line, and all too often the total costs made the victory seem to be somewhat of a dubious one.
Yet, what to do? Surely it’s not right to just sit on the sidelines and not go for it in the first place…? Should we just not have goals and wants and desires in the first place? Is a life of apathy a greater good?
Well, the answer to that has to be “no” for me. It’s just not in my make-up to avoid giving my absolute all in trying to achieve goals in my life.
Yet, I can no longer go on like this either. Consumed by the many and complicated gains and pains and frustrations and hardships and further complications that follow in the wake of every goal attained, every victory so keenly won. I’m tired, I’m exhausted and I don’t want to play this game anymore. It doesn’t make any sense and it hurts so bad even when I’ve always tried so hard my whole life to be a good person and do the right thing.
I want to stop feeling so defeated by everything that I’m continuously up against in this fast-paced and moving world. I just want to do the right thing and not be eaten up by guilt or remorse or regret when the right thing eventually turns into the wrong thing somewhere along the line.
I guess I just want to stop screwing up and I really just want to know how to live my life right, so I can do the right thing and just finally enjoy some peace at long last.
The answer came to me as I thought about how I was going to handle the next high conflict case I was involved in. How do I win?
And that’s when it became obvious – the only way to win, is to let go….
Let go of the need to win, the need to get it right, the need to get my dues and make it all happen. Let go of the fear of failing or having the result be a certain way. Let go… Let go of it all, expectations, wants, desires, fears, worries, projections and cares, let go of it all.
-Of course, still go through with the process. Absolutely, do your duty. Know what the desired outcome to the best of your judgement should be. Then work purely, tirelessly and unerringly towards it. Be not lacking in your efforts, but that’s all. Put your all into it, and that’s all. That’s the extent of your job, your duty.
Then let the cards fall where they will.
I’ve heard this advice so many times before. Not least in the Gita by my favourite Krishna, Himself. Yet today I appreciate this wisdom with a new depth.
May I at last live life right, as its meant to be lived – with the whole of my heart and being, and yet not bound by the results of my labour or of such fruitful living.
Ah, to be free at last… This is the sweet and mighty power they call “letting go…”